Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
