How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
...so i touched it.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
