Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
