I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
