I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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