he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
