apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
