It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
