I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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