i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
