ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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