Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
