You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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