Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
