Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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