Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
