I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
