this beer tastes like vomit already
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
