no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
