Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
