So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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