I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
