The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
