He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
