I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Small penises have feelings too.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
