If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My dick has a subreddit
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
