I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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