It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am available for nakedness
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
