on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
