my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
