So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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