Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
