____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
