yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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