i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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