Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
