Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
