i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
