i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
