I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
