just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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