Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
