youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
