Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
