your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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