I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
