So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
