she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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