my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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