i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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