then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
