Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
