put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
