just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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