someone get that fucking seahorse.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
