lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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