What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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