Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
