i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
